There’s nothing like Hallmark
When you imagine the Christmas of your childhood, do you happen to think of soft blankets, steaming mugs of hot chocolate and a nice Hallmark movie? I do. The lighthearted, predictable plot lines of Hallmark’s Christmas Countdown allows the stress whirling around your head to settle and the warm spirit of the holidays to flood in. Although the experience is sure to be a whole lot better without someone yapping in your ear about “cringey endings” or “laughable acting.”
The magic of Hallmark movies is in the nostalgia. Who doesn’t like being reminded of their younger years? Or finding comfort in the things they’re familiar with? To those who would criticize the somewhat repetitive story lines and unnecessarily early Christmas cheer, I ask you this: if it brings people genuine joy and harms no one, what’s the problem? Bad acting and overdone holiday spirit is no crime.
Additionally, the Hallmark Channel is making an effort to be more inclusive, as it recently released a movie starring a young, gay couple. With its expansive audience – a large portion of which are children and young teens – I would go as far as to say the nostalgic company is progressive.
Furthermore, men are free to watch the movies without fears of losing masculinity or seeming too emotionally vulnerable. There is nothing strange about a man lifting weights and drinking beer and then settling down to watch a Christmas film. The combination of the two creates a perfectly balanced audience.
So the next time you sink into your couch with a fresh batch of popcorn and tingle of holiday excitement, consider putting on a Hallmark movie and enjoying a carefree, sentimental film.
Clara Mast
Hallmark is nothing
It’s Oct. 18, 2023. You feel a chill down your neck and Mariah Carey’s voice can be heard in the distance. You freeze. Isn’t it too early? We haven’t even made it to Halloween yet! The room begins spinning around you as the TV turns on in the distance. This can’t be stopped anymore. You hastily prepare to face the horrors ahead and make your way into the depths of the winter wasteland. The Hallmark Channel’s Christmas Countdown has arrived: 68 days of abhorrent sin in the form of brain melting, repetitive rom-coms, putting even the strongest of us in despair.
Repetition plagues every film in the Christmas Countdown. Just as you finish Heather and Chris’ slow burn romance in “Once Upon a Christmas Miracle,” you’ll get another 45 iterations of them in slightly different circumstances shoved down your throat. Sitting in the same clothes you’ve worn for the past six days with Cheeto dust encrusting your hands, you’ll be completely disoriented, unsure of why you’re up at 3 a.m. However, this isn’t really the fault of the Christmas Countdown, as Hallmark’s formula is what’s really to blame.
Hallmark knows its audience lacks the brain capacity to fully comprehend a real film plot, so they roll out the same film in different, trashy packaging 15 times a year. They manipulate their brainless audience for a quick buck, completely lacking any kind of integrity or remorse. It’s evil, deceptive, and Hallmark has to be stopped. Would you stand by this company if you had the choice? Supporting capitalists who prioritize profit over people is not in the spirit of the holiday season, and that’s why it’s time to retire Hallmark movie marathons from your festive traditions.
Camden Lauver
