Even with sales limited to virtual orders and contactless drop offs, Girl Scout cookie season is still a very important time of year. Actually, it might be even more crucial in pandemic times; what else are you going to do at home, other than eat multiple sleeves of buttery deliciousness? It’s time for an authoritative guide for which boxes to buy and which to skip. Of course, these are facts, not opinions.
The Relevant Cookies — the most popular ones. People actually have opinions on these.
- Thin Mints
Love them or like them very much, these crispy chocolate-coated cookies are the perfect cookie. The mint flavor is present but not overpowering; the chocolate is satisfying but not too sweet. These scored the highest and received rave reviews from staff.
“You can’t go wrong with Thin Mints. They’re just a classic,” arts and culture co-editor Eloise Rich commented. “I’m actually eating one right now. They have such a lovely flavor of chocolate, with the hints of mint. It’s incredible. Also, they’re incredible when frozen–it’s a treat I look forward to year after year.”
Sports editor Shelby Swanson concurred: “The Thin Mint – the pinnacle of packaged cookies. Crispy and refreshing, it is the perfect afternoon snack.”
Just a couple of staff disagreed, but were greatly outnumbered. Staff writer Peter Ring wrote scathingly, “They taste like toothpaste. It’s like brushing your teeth, they’re nasty.”
Overall, these classics are the best-selling Girl Scout cookies for a reason. Make sure you grab a box of these, and you can decide for yourself if they taste like dental floss or a scrumptious treat.
- Lemonades
Described as “savory slices of shortbread with a refreshingly tangy lemon-flavored icing,” these sunny cookies are both detailed in visuals and sophisticated in taste. Again, they have a perfect combination of subtle-yet-present flavors and textures, between the creamy lemon flavors with the tender shortbread cookie. We did not receive a single disparaging review, but these were ranked just short of the Queen, the Thin Mint.
Staff writer Sophie Vaughn waxed poetic about the simple, yet iconic flavor.
“Lemonade. The taste of nostalgia. When I was a kid I would set up lemonade stands. I would eat lemon bars with my grandfather. Season everything with a pinch of lemon juice. A beautiful layer of frosting on the bottom ensures the cookie won’t crumble after the first bite. A cookie I can savour knowing it was made with love and care. I forget it has probably been manufactured in a warehouse,” Vaughn wrote.
- Caramel deLites/Samoas
The everything bagel of cookies, these caramel, coconut and chocolate-flavored deLites combine many things that are good. According to the Girl Scouts website, these are the second best-selling cookies, and the ECHO didn’t rank them far behind, although there was a noticeable gap between these and Lemonades.
Co-editor-in-chief Katie Clark says these are her favorite cookies for their complexity.
“A good Girl Scout cookie is made by multiple components. Nobody chooses Shortbread as their top, and even Thin Mints is being generous, since it has only two components. The strength of the Caramel deLites is in the cookie, coconut, caramel AND chocolate. All complementing, none overwhelming, perfectly balanced,” Clark wrote.
The other EIC also esteems these cookies highly. “Samoas are coconut caramel dreams with just the right combination of flavor and love,” Zoe Hiemstra said.
Swanson had a far bigger bone to pick with Samoas; they elicit bad thoughts.
“Samoas suck. They are gross. I don’t like the texture and I have awful memories of the coconut and caramel gunk getting stuck in my braces. Reminds me of middle school. Not in a nostalgic way but in a traumatizing way,” Swanson reflected.
- S’mores
Like a s’more: chocolate and marshmallow sandwiched between “graham crackers.” Unlike a s’more: no melty, messy goodness and no gooey, definitely-burnt-but-delicious marshmallows. While the Lemonade delivers on nostalgia and flavor, these don’t quite hit expectations. These were ranked favorably by staff but received no special positive feedback, only critiques.
“I find that when I’m eating a S’mores, it is significantly lacking in marshmallow or marshmallow flavoring, which I believe is a quintessential part of a real s’more,” Rich said.
Others described it as “crumbly” or “like other cookies I can get from the store.”
- Shortbreads/Trefoils
These unassuming cookies with the Girl Scout logo imprinted on top received a slew of hate from ECHO staff. While among the top five best-sellers, over half the staff took time to make a disrespectful comment about these cookies.
Vaughn again chronicled her personal opinion in great detail.
“I have eaten actual paper in elementary school before, and I can say with certainty the paper had more substance than any shortbread I have ever tried. Maybe it’s because I have a personal vendetta against shortbread, because it makes my mouth dry and I am already dehydrated all the time,” Vaughn wrote.
“Bland” and “boring” are the main adjectives staff associated with Trefoils. For how tasteless they apparently are, they certainly received a lot of attention. Ring, as the sole Shortbread sympathizer, said he “distinctly remembers their fantastic flavor.”
The Irrelevant Cookies — not much to say about these. Meh. Go for our Relevant Top 3 instead.
- Peanut Butter Patties/Tagalongs
Like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in cookie form. Staff writer Atticus Crothers calls them “the perfect texture and blend of [peanut butter] and chocolate,” and in the words of Opinions editor Guthrie Richardson, they are “v good, like the choccy and crisp.”
- Do-si-dos/Peanut Butter Sandwich
Like a Nutter Butter, but circular and not a fun peanut shape. The overall theme of the Irrelevant Cookies is that you can find these at a better price and taste in any regular grocery store.
- Caramel Chocolate Chip
It’s a chocolate chip cookie, what else can we say. It is a gluten-free option though!
- Toast-Yay!
The newest addition to the cookie line-up: these are in the Lemonade vein, a cookie shaped like its flavor with icing on the bottom. Unfortunately, these “french toast” cookies don’t live up to the Lemonades’ precedent. They are vaguely cinnamon-y and taste like an animal cracker met a Teddy Graham. It’s alright, but not thrilling.
- Toffee-tastic
Not attractive. Looks and tastes like some kind of sedimentary rock. Like the Toast-Yay!’s, the faux excitement in the hyphenated name seems to be compensating for its lack of actual allure.
Images compiled by Caroline Chen/The ECHO. Samoa photo courtesy of Brian Legate/Flickr.
