After the last Super Bowl, sources within the NFL say the organization is worried about falling ratings and a potential drop in interest in football. An internal meeting was held March 16, and the next day the company announced what NFL spokesperson Tanya Snyder described as “a small change to the rules to make the game more exciting to watch for a more action-focused America.”
Weaponry that was popularized in European warfare from the 7th to 13th centuries–from longswords to maces and including ranged weapons–will now be allowed in official NFL play. Less punishment for roughness has pleased many older coaches who remember a more unregulated time for football.
“The NFL has always been too tough on fouls and stuff,” said coach Pete Carroll. “It’s time to get back to the good ol’ days of football, when we could use trebuchets for field goals and every quarterback had a mace.”
Next year’s Super Bowl will include many nationally known player names trying new tactics around this rule, sources say. Tom Brady himself is reportedly trying to incorporate a British Hundred-Years-War longbow into his skillset on the field.
“If it worked on the mounted French nobility,” Brady said to Sports Weekly, “I figure it will work on the Chiefs.”
Recent simulations were run on tackles incorporating tactics from swords to axes. They indicate an estimated 2,000 percent increase in injuries. NFL officials say these studies are “overexaggerated” and that the game is “safer than it ever has been.”
With the addition of medieval weaponry, the gameplay experts for the NFL have been discussing what new fouls should be added to the rulebook. One such foul considered by the experts was related to a gladiator-style, man-on-man battle to the death near an end zone. While the experts ruled that this is safe gameplay, they noted that should the winner kill the loser, slicing out his guts and holding them up to an adoring crowd would be “a little carried away” and deserved a five-yard penalty.
Photo courtesy of Keith Allison/Wikipedia.org
