Ever since his freshman year, senior Sonderson “Sonny” Erpranke had dreamed of laying eyes on East’s rumored rooftop swimming pool. Last week, emboldened by the TikTok trend of “devious licks,” Erpranke finally achieved his goal.
“It’s my senior year,” Erpranke said. “So, I thought I might as well go out with a bang.”
Throughout September, Erpranke spent his free time meticulously planning a heist to steal the pool. He discovered almost immediately that the scope of the operation would be far greater than he ever imagined.
“I realized I wasn’t gonna be able to pull it off on my own,” Erpranke said. “So, I started putting together a crew.”
Class of 2020 graduate Sammy Tizer says she was relaxing at the beach one weekend when she got a phone call from Erpranke.
“I thought my days of pulling devious licks were over,” she said. “But when I heard what Sonny was planning, I knew I had to do this one last job.”
Erpranke’s crew also included Abe Solute, an expert in the architecture of East’s school building, and Trey Terr, a gymnast and competitive swimmer capable of executing some of the lick’s more difficult maneuvers.
After studying a model of the school built by Solute and forming an elaborate, multi-step plan, the crew went to work. During the narrow 35-minute window of Wildcat PAC, three of the four students slipped out of their classrooms and met outside the auditorium.
Meanwhile, Tizer says she was responsible for creating a diversion.
“I was supposed to, like, fake a heart attack or something so nobody would try to go after the others. But I couldn’t get anyone’s attention—they were all so bored from PAC.”
Tizer says she went through every manner of distraction she could think up: a public display of affection, setting off the sprinklers and hijacking the loudspeakers, but nothing seemed to stir the students from their malaise.
“Eventually I just gave up. If none of that stuff could get their attention, they probably wouldn’t care that three kids were carrying off the rooftop pool.”
Unnoticed, the remainder of the crew made their way toward the fabled pool, using an intricate system of pulleys to hoist themselves onto the roof. Erpranke was the first to spot the object of their heist.
“It was every bit as beautiful as I’d imagined,” he said. “The water was shimmering in the sun, and there was that little ladder you can see from the ground. It was almost magical.”
But Erpranke’s triumph was short-lived, as Terr revealed something he’d been keeping from the others: He was a double-agent, working for Principal Ken Proulx all along.
“I was shocked,” Yerpanke said. “Apparently he had some kind of communication device he was using to feed Mr. Proulx information about our plans.”
Not so shocked was Solute, who says he had figured out what Terr was planning the day they met.
“Yeah, it was obvious,” Solute said. “I mean, he literally told me, ‘I swear, I’m with you until the end of the line.’ Could he be any less subtle?”
Solute had easily managed to redirect the signal from Terr’s communication device, rendering it useless and foiling his plan. As retaliation for this betrayal, Erpranke reportedly pushed Terr into the pool.
“It was a little tricky to lift the pool without Trey’s help,” Solute said. “But we all felt like he deserved what happened.”
As PAC drew to an end, Solute and Erpranke were only halfway down the side of the building, the pool dangling conspicuously alongside them. Spotting this through a nearby window, Tizer sprang into action, implementing a last-resort diversion plan.
She produced a red baseball cap from her backpack, donned it, and began loudly badmouthing boba tea. Pandemonium ensued amongst the surrounding students.
During the chaos caused by Tizer’s distraction, Solute and Erpranke rappelled to the ground, running off into the woods behind the school with the pool in tow. With success in their grasp, the two erupted into celebration.
“We were so distracted posting about it on TikTok that we didn’t notice Trey climbing out of the pool with one of those weird squirt guns that actually shoots water well.”
A standoff began. Solute and Erpranke desperately attempted to persuade Terr not to spray them, but to no avail. With his finger on the trigger, Terr was moments away from totally soaking the two when he suddenly slipped on a mysterious liquid and was incapacitated.
“I think there used to be a caution sign there telling people to watch their step and not slip,” Erpranke said. “Somebody must have taken the sign. Totally irresponsible behavior, but really convenient for us!”
With that crisis averted, and with their elaborate heist complete, Solute and Erpranke proceeded to dump the pool into the small pond behind the school. Now, all that can be seen of the infamous structure is the top of its distinctive ladder, poking up a few feet above the water.
News of what had happened quickly spread over social media. Many students were furious.
“I’d heard about the rooftop pool,” said freshman Justin Spector. “I honestly thought it wasn’t even real, but now I’m super bummed that I’ll never get to swim in it.”
Others were more impressed with the feat.
“I’ll certainly miss my daily swim during secret period,” senior Joe King said. “But to know it vanished in the glory of the greatest lick of all time makes it all worth it to me.”
Principal Proulx was more confused than anything else.
“I don’t understand how or why anyone would want to lick a pool,” Proulx said. “That just seems unsanitary to me.”
Photo by Hammond Cole Sherouse/The ECHO.
