A new name has emerged at the top of the most indicative candidate rankings yet: broadcast TV ad spending. Just after Eugene Krabs, publicly known as “Mr. Krabs,” announced his bid for the 2020 primary last week, running as the newest Democratic party candidate, a report from CNN revealed he had already spent $53 million on TV ads, outspending both of the other billionaire competitors, Michael Bloomberg and Tom Steyer, in their total advertising spending in 2019.
“There simply aren’t enough qualified candidates who can beat Trump in 2020,” says Krabs, on why he joined the race at this point. “His net worth is $3.7 billion, and neither Mikey [Bloomberg] nor Ol’ Tommy [Steyer] are even at $3 billion yet. It has to be me.”
Krabs has no history in politics, but does have a past in fast food management. He is rumored to be worth over $5 billion.
Despite his apparent lack of experience in the field, Krabs has been performing well in Iowa polls, gaining traction over “establishment” candidates such as Joe Biden.
His company, The Krusty Krab, has also performed well since his bid for presidency. Customers leave not only with red-white-and-blue Krabby Patties, but stickers emblazoned with “Krab on the Tab!” “Krusty is Trusty” and “Krabs Voters Welcome At Krusty Krab For 50 Percent Off Entire Order!”
Krabs’ campaign website includes an entire page, between his Medicare plan and immigration policies, dedicated to promised discount plans for The Krusty Krab. Available plans include both monthly and annual memberships.
Bob Patrick, a new patron, says, “It’s really off-putting how politicians are getting so out of touch with us, the citizens. I’m glad Mr. Krabs knows what it’s like to live at the Bottom of society.”
Politics and wealth have never seemed to intertwine so well. In a press conference at one of his restaurant locations, Krabs declared while counting that day’s earnings, “America deserves a president who understands which bills really matter—the green ones.”
Mr. Krabs: the billionare candidate of our dreams
