From profane graffiti to unflushed urinals, East’s student bathrooms have a reputation for being… interesting, to say the least. To help you survive nature’s call, here’s a handy guide to what each bathroom has to offer.
Men’s Lower Quad A
Most used and well-populated, Lower Quad A is the “hangout spot” of all the bathrooms. In that case, you’d expect it to be the nicest, right? Unfortunately, the flagrant graffiti and gum on the floor would beg to differ. Overall, Lower Quad A could’ve been a more enjoyable experience if it weren’t for the fact that it’s disgusting and I hate people.
★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Women’s Lower Quad A
Located closest to a main entrance, this bathroom does provide convenience and easy access; however, it is far from my favorite. Out of all the restrooms, it is unfortunately the least likely to have any toilet paper, and the stalls are either occupied by vapers or TikTokers. (If you’re not careful, you could become that awkward stranger in their next viral video). With that said, I do appreciate the fact that the soap is at least almost always available.
★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Men’s Upper Quad B
While some may disagree, I found Upper Quad B to be the nicest out of all Quad-based offerings at East. With a surprisingly sparse amount of graffiti and an overall inoffensive feeling to it, I found Upper Quad B to be remarkably acceptable.
★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
Women’s Upper Quad B
Continuously I find myself coming to this restroom, even when I am in a different quad. With moody, dark lighting and an enticingly mysterious vibe, East’s hottest bathroom is filled with colorful graffiti and fruity vapor, but shockingly on most days, I have very few complaints.
★★★★★★☆☆☆☆
Men’s Lower Quad B
This bathroom offers what I’d consider the “typical” East bathroom style, which is a good sign considering that it’s usually your best option during lunch. With average graffiti, four out of five toilets flushed and a faint indiscernible smell, Lower Quad B is remarkably similar to the one above it, if a little less enjoyable.
★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆
Women’s Lower Quad B
Location, location, location. Situated in close proximity to the cafeteria, this bathroom really has it all. If you have to throw up from lunch, at least you have somewhere close by to go. Despite a long line, this bathroom is really not so terrible that you wouldn’t risk your life and/or sanity stepping inside to use the toilet.
★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆
Men’s Upper Quad C
Walking into the Upper Quad C men’s bathroom is genuinely life changing. With a ceiling piece missing, 24.5 floor tiles ripped out of the grout, a sizable amount of graffiti and a half-filled iced tea bottle in one of the stalls, it could’ve easily been at the bottom of the list. But the men’s Upper Quad C bathroom has something all the others don’t—character. Every visit to this restroom is a new story for me to tell, every visit brings something different. I’d recommend everyone go see this legendary bathroom for themselves; I doubt you’ll come out the same person.
★★★★★★☆☆☆☆
Women’s Upper Quad C
While the amenities are less than satisfactory, it does have several saving graces. Notably, each stall is a unique artistic masterpiece. From the dual messages of “I love you” and “I hate you” to artistic renderings of hippos and certain teachers, these stalls truly are a representation of all East has to offer and more.
★★★★★★☆☆☆☆
Men’s Lower Quad C
While the bathroom above it was a remarkable spiritual awakening, Lower Quad C was just grimey. The floor felt sticky, two of the urinals weren’t flushed, the graffiti was both noticeable and vulgar, and I always feel watched by the sticker someone placed on one of the urinals. When you think “disgusting school bathroom,” you’re probably thinking of Lower Quad C.
★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Women’s Lower Quad C
Ah, the infamous Lower Quad C bathroom. Well, this bathroom is surprisingly my new favorite locale. Like its upstairs counterpart, the stalls in this part of the building are constructed with privacy and the concept of ample personal space in mind. Whenever I want to be alone, this bathroom is the optimal place to be in the building. I never thought I’d say it, but this graffitied venue may just be my home away from home.
★★★★★★☆☆☆☆
Men’s Locker Room
Being one of the few student-accessible bathrooms near the Gym, I was truly not prepared for the hell that was the men’s locker room. The moment I walked inside, I noticed that it was several degrees hotter than the rest of the building, and I should have taken that as an omen. Neither of the two toilets were flushed, snack wrappers and bits of the ceiling were littered across the floor, and the entire place actively emanated the smell of urine. If you’re at the gym, and you need to use the bathroom, DO NOT RESORT TO THE MEN’S LOCKER ROOM.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Women’s Locker Room
After freshman year gym class, I vowed I would never step foot inside this monstrosity ever again. And yet, I somehow carry out brave, heroic feats of investigative journalism for the ECHO in spite of the danger, and after mustering all my courage and donning a hazmat suit, I re-entered the site of my most traumatic memories. However, my anguish wasn’t nearly as strong as I had remembered. Much to my utter shock, I found myself enjoying this room’s open floor plan, as well as the fact that there were two secret bathrooms tucked away in the back. Definitely not the worst!
★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
Dressing Rooms
A sanctuary of peace, a refuge of serenity, cleanliness and scent-free air. Truly, these bathrooms are underrated. At East, the dressing rooms may just be as close to ten-star luxury as you can get. For the narcissists obsessed with your reflection, you’ll be thrilled to discover that there is a wraparound mirror in the waiting area for the standalone private restroom (the dressing room). You’d seriously be missing out if you didn’t give them a shot.
★★★★★★★★☆☆
Wildcat Bathrooms
Across from the gym and next to the auditorium, there’s a reason that these bathrooms are never open to us riffraff. As the paragons of what a public bathroom can be, they’re reserved only for sports games and theater productions. As such, they are some of the cleanest and most beautiful bathrooms you will ever use. I have never been more at ease while taking a **** 1000 percent recommended.
★★★★★★★★★★
In Memoriam: Upper Quad A
It was deviously licked to death. 🙁
Photo by Hammond Cole Sherouse/The ECHO
