Whether you are looking for a new snack addiction, attempting to establish a food industry monopoly, or just bored after finishing a test early, we definitely do not have a new, delicious treat for you to explore. This is because most paper products are not FDA approved (yet), and we do not condone ingesting it unless specified as edible.
Printer paper
Like most other types of paper, printer paper is tasteless. It quickly dissolves to a degree, then feels like chewing very hard beef after a short while of munching, except with even less elasticity. Most of it disintegrates after some time in the mouth and therefore becomes easy to swallow. However, a small piece that has been folded by the tongue always takes much longer to dissolve and requires being chewed into small pieces to swallow.
★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆
Notebook paper
Slightly bitter. Relatively elastic when condensed. Becomes soft after being soaked in saliva and disintegrates relatively quickly. Dissolves faster under friction and could be gnawed into disintegration when only a small piece is left. Largely similar to printer paper.
★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
The ECHO
Thin, easy to chew through, malleable. After thoroughly soaking and condensing, it becomes similar to beef after being chewed for several minutes. The condensed pieces are loosely attached instead of tightly pressed together, hence its elasticity. The paper disintegrates into relatively small pieces quickly, so enjoy while it lasts!
★★★★★★☆☆☆☆
Edible Icing Paper
Icing paper is a weird combination of an extremely slight sweet flavor if bitten, thick turkey bacon-like feel and texture that somehow still resembles ordinary paper. It dissolves completely about twenty seconds after entering the mouth, but is resistant to tearing by biting. Despite being a food product, it retains a surprising amount of the gustatory qualities of paper. A subtle yet noticeable trace of the signature paper flavor and an almost powdery feel appears at the brief moment that icing paper is fully dissolved or swallowed. To me, it has an uncanny resemblance to both some sort of food product and ordinary paper, unsure of which category it seeks to belong in. It is clearly not designed to be a standalone food product like other types of paper, and the presence of rich and unique character in other types of paper is nowhere to be found, instead replaced by a pathetic and especially strange taste. Personally, the sweet flavor is just disgusting.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Tissue paper
Soft, but not malleable until disintegration. Thin at first but becomes relatively thick upon condensing. Disintegrates easily in large chunks at first, and accelerated by friction from the tongue and by chewing. However, after most material is disintegrated, the center of the condensed matter becomes stiff and extremely difficult to break apart. Similar to ECHO paper, but softer.
★★★★★★★☆☆☆
Toilet paper
Extremely fluffy, somewhat unpleasant texture initially. However, it quickly disintegrates, becoming soft and malleable. Similar to tissue paper, but surprisingly dense and firm upon condensing.
★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆
Wax paper
The texture is somewhat similar to seaweed sheets. Smooth and with no firmness, wax paper is unique as it cannot be dissolved by saliva. If you decide to just keep it in your mouth without attempting to swallow it, it would stay there forever. When condensed, wax paper tastes similar to most other types of paper but is unmalleable and tough to chew, and becomes one solid-shaped piece that is extremely difficult to break apart. Although mildly pleasant at first, it becomes difficult to proceed with the ingestion process unless one decides to swallow the piece in whole. Ironically, the two FDA approved products in this review have been determined to be the worst-tasting type of paper, authoritatively and empirically.
★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Sketch paper
Inelastic and extremely thick at first. Soft and loosely condensed. Disintegrates extremely slowly by saliva, but easy to break apart or transform with the tongue. The initial impression of firmness quickly contradicted, albeit still being unmalleable and difficult to chew perpendicularly.
★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆
Colored craft paper
Thick, slow to dissolve, initially condenses together to become a solid, inelastic body. After intensive chewing, a subtle, strange, and indescribable flavor occasionally emerges, accompanied by an occasional bitterness. After further chewing and when the paper begins to disintegrate and disfigure, the taste intensifies but is still slight. Does not disintegrate gradually, rather softens gradually then all breaks apart upon chewing. Craft paper is relatively difficult to get through, but a rewarding and unique experience upon doing so. Granted, the flavor probably comes from the coloring, not the paper itself. But it happens to evoke the deepest sentimentalities of man. A state of beauty that exists through sourness and ugliness. Reminiscent of an excruciating ecstasy… and a thrilling agony…
★★★★★★★★★☆
Release liner (the paper that you peel stickers off of)
I’m pretty sure I just ate plastic.
Image courtesy of Meg Stewart/Flickr
