For too long has there been petty, fruitless debate around the question of what constitutes a “Christmas movie.” For too long have “Die Hard” and its fellow pieces of subtle Christmas cinema been denied their due Christmas credit, and for too long has the defense of such films consisted of pitifully surface-level arguments.
That’s why I have decided to settle the dispute once and for all. As the world’s foremost expert on culture and the arts, I have formulated the perfect criteria upon which to evaluate the Christmasliness of any given film.
The question is actually twofold. First, is the film technically a Christmas movie? Second, does the film possess the thematic spirit of a Christmas movie? As something of a loose Christmastructionist, I believe that if the answer to either of those questions is yes, then the film can in good conscience be deemed a Christmas movie.
Let’s look at the first criterion. A motion picture is technically a Christmas movie if its climax explicitly takes place either on Christmas or Christmas Eve. Movies like “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” which briefly feature scenes set at Christmas do not qualify. Nor do movies like “The Shining,” whose climaxes may be set around Christmas, but which never outright acknowledge this fact.
Take for instance the controversial example of “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” Although the movie begins at Halloween and features many Halloween-themed elements, it must technically be considered a Christmas movie because its climax is centered around Christmas Eve and Santa Claus.
Now, I will discuss my second, more complicated set of criteria, the one upon which to judge a movie’s thematic Chrismasity. Based on my extensive research and lengthy scientific analysis, I have come to the conclusion that the following three fundamental attributes thematically define Christmas cinema: optimism, miracles and winter.
If a film possesses all three of these traits, it is in this respect a Christmas movie. If it possesses merely one or two, then it is not. For example, “I’m Thinking of Ending Things” continues miraculous elements and is set during winter, but as it is neither optimistic nor explicitly set on Christmas or Christmas Eve, it is not a Christmas movie.
Allow me to elaborate on why I believe optimism, miracles and winter to be such fundamental Christmas movie themes.
All true Christmas movies are optimistic. Some, like “Elf,” unrelentingly so. Others, like “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!,” begin cynically but find hope by the end of their runtime.
Likewise, a miraculous moment is central to all the best Christmas movies. In “A Christmas Carol,” it’s Scrooge’s supernaturally induced change of heart. In my favorite Christmas movie, “Miracle on 34th Street,” it’s a jury finding that Santa Claus legally exists.
Always, the movie’s optimism is ultimately vindicated or realized by such a miracle, in turn revealing the power of the Christmas spirit.
But, this miracle-fueled optimism cannot exist in a vacuum—it must come amidst the seemingly hopeless desolation of winter. The feeling of dread that underlies the winter months is a necessary contrast to the joy with which the Christmas movie will eventually conclude.
This element can be seen in “Home Alone,” wherein the cold and darkness of winter is compounded by the threat of wet burglary—of course later to be surmounted by the miraculous ingenuity of a psychopathic child prodigy.
Together, the chill of winter, the spark of a miracle and the warmth of optimism combine to create Christmastical vibes that transcend even the chronological constraints of the holiday itself.
To reiterate, it is my true and objective belief that if a movie possesses these three characteristics, it is a Christmas movie, regardless of whether the climax takes place around Dec. 25.
The 2021 documentary “The Beatles: Get Back” is a Christmas movie. It may have been filmed in January and have absolutely nothing to do with the Christmas holiday, but it is still a movie that finds joy and hope in the middle of winter.
In fact, the movie’s iconic rooftop concert scene is a classic example of a Christmas miracle, a brief moment of transcendent artistic synergy that emerges suddenly after weeks of building tension.
It’s a Christmas movie, and you cannot convince me otherwise.
“Groundhog Day” is also a Christmas movie. That’s right, I said it. And deep down, you know I’m right. Nothing stops this Christmas movie classification train, and it’s certainly not about to slow down now.
The Bill Murray classic oozes with Christmas spirit in everything but name and calendar date. In fact, its premise is much the same as Charles Dickens’s quintessential Christmas narrative “The Muppet Christmas Carol”: A curmudgeonly protagonist is forced by supernatural intervention to change his ways, ultimately coming out a better man.
It contains all three of the thematic criteria that make a Christmas movie a Christmas movie, and there is no good reason why we shouldn’t just call it one.
But as with all rules, there are some exceptions to the principles I have laid out above. For instance, 2020’s “Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch Musical Live!” starring Matthew Morrison is not a Christmas movie because it is a sin and a crime.
There indeed comes a point when morality and human decency must override all other considerations, and we must as a society put our collective foot down. Nothing is more contrary to the festive spirit of Christmasly motion pictures than perversion and depravity such as that displayed in Morrison’s overly sexual, physically revolting performance.
Any movie which provokes similar feelings to “The Grinch Musical Live!” must therefore be disqualified from consideration as a Christmas movie, even if it is set on Christmas or Christmas Eve, and/or contains themes of optimism, winter and miracles.
That said, this has been my unbiased and objective guide to what is and isn’t a Christmas movie. Now you can enjoy bonafide Christmas movies like “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Snowpiercer” with all concern safely abated.
Image by Hammond Cole Sherouse/The ECHO
